My client 45 years of age, said “I am so stressed in life. I don’t whether its anxiety, anger, frustration, fear or something else …am sleep deprived..my doctor has prescribed sleeping pills for sometime and advised me to relax. That’s why am here to see you..I need help..any help that gets me to relax”
“When you say stressed in life..anything specific?”
“My husband’s business is not doing well…we are struggling since the past 10 years.. he starts a business and closes it since its unprofitable. His current contracts are unexpected ones, that he pitched as backups..creates immense tension since new multiple skills are needed, which are not his main expertise..he has performance anxiety due to tight timelines and new skills to build simultaneously. Limited finances put major strain on me and our family.”
“I have been to many experts..desperate to get a solution for his business issue”
“Can you please share what kind of solution?”
“His business to start doing well..so much is at stake..its scary…we want to send our children for higher studies overseas… how will we manage when its time?”
“How is your relationship with your husband right now?”
“Strained…we are both disconnected emotionally, physically and mentally from each other. He has been travelling past few months… stressed about his work and me stressed about home expenses adding up.””
“Disconnected…thats a powerful word!”
“Yes…I fear a similar fate like my first marriage that ended in divorce..my first husband and I were disconnected too”
“How does this resonate in your husband’s life right now?”
“This is his 2nd marriage as well…his first wife was disconnected from him similarly..she committed suicide within the first year of marriage, leaving him devastated..we married 2 years after that incident.”
“We have 2 children, my son from my first marriage who lives with us and our daughter from this marriage.”
“Son is detached from us..stays aloof usually..his father is not keen to meet him..daughter is fine and the life of our house.”
Reflective, she said “I didn’t realise there was a pattern here…am saying ‘disconnected’ so often…yet the linkage did not strike me at all”
“With this learning, what do you think is the core issue?”
“Its not anxiety, its being disconnected……am lost!”
“How do you feel when you say lost, disconnected?”
“When you are connected again and no longer lost, how will you feel?”
Guiding her through a short meditation, I asked her to focus on being connected.
Inhaling deep, she spent a few minutes reflecting “Safe..calm..”
“Who is safe and calm?”
“My parents..”, surprised she said “Why am I seeing them? Any way to explore this? “
Sharing with her ‘Coaching through Family Constellations Approach’, I educated her on the process - how that reveals unresolved, often long-hidden conflicts. Once resolved, it leads to inner peace and harmony within self and the family.
A detailed conversation ensued on deep work requiring clients readiness to explore within unconditionally. My client being new to the process, trusted it, agreeing to prepare herself . Through specific exercises, tools to enhance her self discovery, she learnt to set her boundaries, be self aware , be present to herself and understand ‘orders of love’ , integral to the Constellation deep work. Her action plans through the next few weeks continued to build on these.
When she felt ready, with her consent, I facilitated the Family Constellation process. It revealed Loyalty patterns. Her parents were divorced when she was a teenager. In her loyalty to them, she was subconsciously following their fate. Similarly, her son was seen following his biological father’s fate. Her first husband was emotionally disconnected due to an ‘interrupted reaching out movement’ with his father (son’s grandfather). Her son was following his father in blind love. Similarly, her current spouse had a similar ‘interrupted reaching out movement’ with his mother, which revealed trans generational trust issues.
Subsequent sessions were focussed on integrating her learnings from this process.
Once integrated, she began relaxing “I understand sometimes core issues are beyond us, needing a whole system to resolve them. Am grateful for this learning and wisdom of ancestors..such wealth of wisdom..the best part, its all within me..am feeling safe”
I shared my observation “Wealth of wisdom within is the WOWW factor we experience when resolutions start manifesting.”
Over the next few weeks, WOWW resolutions were framed and she put an action plan to manifest them. Every week, she reported her progress, reviewing her action plans.
“I am at peace, feeling safe..sleeping better.. I was here to achieve this..am off medication. My loyalties were with my divorced parents, so I was not focusing on my life, current relationships. My son is connecting better with me..I realise this came about after acknowledging my parents, honouring their fate and seeking their blessings to live my life fully. Accepting my first husband and our relationship brought about positive shifts in my son’s behaviour towards me and my second husband. They speak regularly, which was not the case earlier.”
“What is your action plan now?”
“Action Plans - 1) Honour ‘orders of love’ daily. 2) Continue maintaining my boundaries. This helped me relax and reconnect with my husband and son. We are feeling safe, with each other fully having great conversations again. 3) With regards to his business, I respect his journey and will pray that things work out well.”
“Any closing thoughts?”
“Coaching with you is amazing…I came to find some way to relax, find a solution for my husband’s business crisis. Experienced phenomenal self growth and changed so much within..am safe, peaceful, joyous and accepting. Grateful to all my ancestors and my family, I bow down to their love and respective journeys. Thank you for your patience, compassion and deep work which comes from your wisdom within.”